Sermon 25/3/12

As a race, sometimes humans suck. We lie, we cheat, we steal... and that's just our politicians! As a rule, we are not a pretty bunch of people. You have to feel sorry for God sometimes. I mean, God goes to all the trouble of writing the rules down for us on stonking big pillars of stone – hard to miss, you would think – but even that isn't enough to keep us on the straight and narrow. At the time Jeremiah was writing, God's people Israel were in a pretty sad state. God had made them a promise – I will be your God and you will be my people. They had agreed – until times got tough. And then they started looking for a better way – an easier way. A great deal of covenantal water had flown under the bridge since the Exodus event. Israel had not been faithful, had not stuck to their side of the covenant.

Rescue and release...restoration and return...Jeremiah speaks of God's promises to the people of Israel while they are still in captivity, still in exile, steeped in loss and grief that have broken their hearts and their spirits, too. Their city has been destroyed and their conqueror Babylon has carried away their leaders to the far-off capital of its powerful empire. By this 31st chapter, Jeremiah is no longer scolding the people for their sin and their lack of faithfulness to God. Instead, Jeremiah brings the people a new message from God. God is trying to tell them something, Jeremiah says, and it's good news, a word of comfort and hope. God has had compassion on the people; God's heart has been touched by their suffering, and God forgives them.

In this time of exile God makes sweeping promises to the people of Israel, promises of restoration and return and, most importantly, of relationship, too. Once again, as in so many covenant stories before this one, God promises to be in relationship with the people - like God's promises to Noah, to Abraham and Sarah, and to Moses and the people at Sinai - God promises to be a presence with the people, abiding with them, and promises that they will even belong to each other: God says, I will be your God, and you…you will be my people.

For ancient Israel, and for most Western society too up until the last couple of hundred years, the heart was primarily understood to be the center of intellect and values, how we understand and respond to God, each other, and the world around us.
So when God says in Jeremiah that the new covenant is written on our hearts, God is not saying we will "really feel it this time." Instead, it is that the new covenant would inform everything we see, say, and do "from the inside." When speaking of our heart, we may be speaking of our soul.



Consider now the primary image from John's gospel. We are speaking of a grain of wheat, the 'heart' and centre of the plant. This heart, or should we call it soul? must 'die' and be transformed if it is to be fruitful. And that isn't the end of it. The fruit of the seed will become in turn a seed again, then fruit, then seed... a never ending circle of life. It occurs to me to ask how the seed feels about this cycle. Probably nothing... it's a seed. But for me, in the constant small dying and renewal in my life, sometimes it hurts. And sometimes, often even, I can't see the renewal for the pain.



In a lot of ways, the last 18 months have been really hard. I have been to, either assisting or mourning, 11 funerals including my grandfather and my father in law. Some have been a joyous celebration of a life well lived and continued with God. Others have been following a sad and senseless death cutting short a promising life. But throughout this process I have been forced to confront my own perceptions and belief about what comes next.



One of the saddest funerals I went to was for a 24 year old man who was killed near the beginning of a promising career as an internationally renowned violin player. His funeral was large and beautiful and well attended, but it was empty in its heart because his family couldn't, or didn't find or somehow didn't express God in the experience. It made me realise how much comfort I find in the 'outer trappings' of my faith, the scripture and words and sacraments that help bring us closer to God. Later, journeying with my father in law through his final months, we spoke a lot about death and dying and what is to come. We didn't come up with any definitive answers, which I know he wasn't too impressed about, but he taught me not to fear death. He didn't want to die, he wasn't ready to go, but he knew that death is not the end but a new beginning. I had never been in a position before where I was trusted with guiding a soul to their eternal life. I had to take stock of the words I was saying and see if I truly believed the. If I didn't at the beginning, I did at the end. God's grace saw me transformed from the person I was into the person I can become. And this continues all the time. I need to give up the safety of what I think I know or believe and let it die in order to become new.



Another example very recently of a death leading to new life has been played out in this very Church over the last few weeks. We know Reverend Tania and her team are constantly looking for new ways to bring people into our Church family. It was with great hope and expectation that a new, open door service was initiated. I think it's safe to say it crashed and burned. This was certainly a death. And death is never easy, or pretty. But from death comes new life. And with the failure of this particular venture brought new fruit in the ideas for what families really need from this parish.



I believe that God uses the small deaths of our existence to bring us closer to God's will. I believe that the closer we get to living by God's will the closer we get to walking in the light. The deaths in our lives may seem huge, meaningless, of total loss. We may feel like we are lost in the darkness. But when we accept Christ in our lives, the darkness can not remain. God will work within us to transform our darkness to light, our fear to hope, our death to new and better life. And so Jeremiah speaks to us still, as he tells us that God is our God, and we are her people.



Amen.

Things I know

Because it sometimes feels like I make the same mistakes over and over again, I thought I'd write down some of the lessons I've learned from life so far.

1) Everything always looks better in the morning.
2) And after a meal.
3) If it's not in the house, it's a lot easier not to eat it.
4)When in doubt, black pants/skirt and white top with closed black shoes is always acceptable.
5) Better to be early than late.
6) Always bring a gift for the host.
7) No one is looking at you, they're all too busy thinking about themselves.
8) Impulse buys only work out well if you've had the impulse for a long time.
9) Sometimes, it's a good idea to just shut your mouth and ask questions later.
10) Of course, sometimes you're better off asking questions right away.
11) Before you speak in public, take a deep breath, look up at everyone and smile.
12) When someone compliments you, say 'thank you'.
13) Everything savoury tastes better with cheese, garlic and vegemite. For sweet stuff, add chocolate.
14) If you're telling a joke to people you don't know very well, make sure you make it very clear you're not serious.

Anything I've missed?

Regrets, I've had a few...

...too few to mention, really.

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately (and this is unusual how?). I've written this post many times in my head. I think though (see!) that writing it down will help clear my thoughts a little. Sometimes I think about maybe opening up this blog to a wider audience, but I like that the only people who read it are my friend, my brother and my parents. Immediate family only.

Anyhoo, it all started when I had a 'coffee' with the principal of St Francis. He prides himself on being an open door kinda chap, so this is not an unusual request. It was, however, the first time I've been invited down, so I was a little worried. I couldn't think of anything I'd done wrong though...

Turns out that I was fine, he really did just want to chat and give me some things to think about. No matter what I say about Steven (and I do) he really does care for his students and does his best to help us. And he practices what he preaches to! I know we (the formation students) sometimes whine about being forced into a narrow idea of what it is to be priest (and wine as well, but that's a different matter), but Steven does care for and appreciate us as individuals. And even I, who am the last defense of the defensiveness team, was so well handled by him that I didn't even feel bad! Steven's point, reached after MUCH ego stroking on his part, was that he feels that I use my intelligence, humour and articulateness (see what I mean) as a barrier to avoid allowing people, including myself, to really get below the surface. Well, that's kinda hard to deny.

I was a little aware that I do that, but not enough until he brought it up to do anything about it. And I'm realising I need to do a lot of work on myself, on how and why I react the way I do, before I can start to help others.

I am very much a 'no regrets' person. I live in the present, which can be great. Certainly it's something that pop psychology likes to promote - 10 things about life I learned from my dog and so on. But I think I do it to avoid thinking about things that are unpleasant. De Nile - not just a river in Egypt. So I managed to avoid thinking about having cancer till it went away, and I really haven't faced Mick's death. I don't know if that's because I grieved while he was alive, or if I'm just gazing at the sand. And I avoid planning too far into the future because that involves... I don't know, worry? I haven't got that far yet, maybe I try not to because that way I can't be disappointed when things don't work out. I know that although in some ways I am a risk taker, it's only when I am risking life and limb rather than face. I try way to hard to prevent anything that may make me look ignorant - you know, the whole better keep your mouth shut and have people think you're a fool thing.

So it's time to woman up. Hear me roar.

Critical Thinking

I am not good at taking criticism. I know it, I own it. But I still suck at it.

In my profession (a student) I get things wrong or just don't so them as well as I should. That's the point! And in some circumstances I'm really ok with that. Tae Kwon Do, I stuff up, no problem. Teaching, I get something wrong, I apologise to the student, it's over. A learning experience, not something to stress about. But as soon as it gets vaguely personal, I fall apart.

I have read people say they thrive on criticism, that it gives them the motivation to change and grow. I wish I could say the same! After a meeting with my supervising rector last week when she gave me some helpful advice about ministry, I felt all of about 2 feet tall. I've been thinking about why I was affected like this - after all, I am there to learn and making mistakes and misjudgements is part of the process. I think I am worried that when someone criticises me they are looking at me differently, as if I am less of a person, or less reliable or trustworthy in their eyes. One of the things life is teaching me is that none of my experiences are unique to me, and most of them have been addressed in some way in the scripture or tradition of the Church. Funnily enough, the reading this week was when good old Peter, worried about what Jesus would have to go through in the lead up to Easter, suggested he run away. Why would you put yourself through such suffering if you didn't have to? Jesus rebukes Peter with one of the most well known sayings in the Bible: "Get behind me Satan, for you see through the eyes of humanity rather than of God". So here is Jesus using the harshest of language to criticize Peter. Peter, once called Simon, who later became the 'rock' that Jesus was said to have built his Church on. Peter, one of Jesus' closest friends, whom Jesus loved and trusted even with, because of?, his mistakes.

Peter has always been special to me. I see so much of myself in him. He lets his imagination run away with him, he is full of enthusiasm but sometimes falls of on the follow through, his head/mouth filter is often a little faulty... and Jesus rebukes him. But Jesus still loved him. Respected him. Honoured him even. And Peter didn't let it stop him from going on to make more mistakes in the future.

So maybe I can do the same. I will never like doing things wrong. I won't enjoy hearing about it afterwards. But maybe I can begin to stop internalizing it to the point where it effects my relationship with my teacher, whomever they may be.

Amen.

Chocolat

I have a little ritual I indulge in. Every morning, as I get up at stupid-o'clock to deal with a starving child, I reach into the fridge and have a little piece of chocolate. If I'm having a bad day, feel like things are getting on top of me or just crave a little me-time, I do the same thing. But not today. Nor any day until Easter.

Lent is the 40 days leading to Easter when we dedicate ourselves to re-evaluating our connection with God. It is traditionally a time of prayer, deep thinking and fasting, and for many Christians is a chance to take stock, to see how they've done this year and prepare for the next. Now, if I was spending the next 40 days in silent reflection I would be happy to fast, but as a working mum with an active life and two kids to wrangle this is just not going to happen. Just as well mind you, because I think I'd go stark raving mad. No, I have normally preferred to fast in spirit only, to 'give up' something less tangible, like saying mean things about people or sarcasm (that one was a struggle!). Even last year I could not understand the meaning or purpose behind giving up chocolate or wine or facebook for lent. "How does this make the world a better place?" I asked a priested friend. "Why do people do this? Is it habit? Is it lip service? I DON'T GET IT!".

Now I do. Or at least I am beginning to.

As with all faith, it is difficult to put into words something that goes so far beyond them.  But in coming to this decision, there are a few factors that come to mind.

Firstly, I am trying to create in myself a time of mindfulness. When I reach for the chocolate and remember I can't have it it reminds me that many of the things I take for granted, small luxuries and things I consider essential, are out of reach for many of God's children. I am reminded of all I have, and to give thanks always and everywhere.

Then I am prompted to examine what it is that is making me reach for the comfort of chocolate. Am I celebrating? Commiserating? Tired (probably)? Is there a better way, a more conscious way, of dealing with my emotions than the instant comfort that food brings? Again, I dedicate this time and space to God as I ask Her for support in my actions and thoughts.

Finally, I feel a deep visceral need to deny myself something as a sacrifice to God. This is not something I have explored before, and the words don't sit comfortably with me now. But it feels right that for a short time, I should feel some small, trivial part of the pain that Jesus suffered on account of human actions. And I'm not talking about the physical pain of the cross here either, but that of knowing that despite his best efforts, people where (and are) still hurting each other and themselves in the name of God.

It's early days now, and I've already opened the fridge twice. But I've also put a lot of though into my relationship with God and God's world. I will be interested to see what happens next.

15 facts about my kids

There's a trend in the blogosphere at the moment reminding us that most of us started blogging to keep a record of/for our kids. And because I am *trendy* (oh yeah!) I'm jumping on this bandwagon and sharing 15 things about my bubbas.

1) Abby has learned three letters so far - S, T and A. She loves finding words that have these letters in them and finding them on signs etc.

2) William thinks that if he pumps his legs or squeeeeeezes with his little hands the milk comes faster. Little baby claws pinching hurts.

3) Abby has stopped caring what she wears as long as it is long enough to cover her butt and tummy and is not too tight. This is a relief.

4) Everytime William comes with me to some kind of adult event (service, workshop, lecture etc) people afterwards ask me "Is he always this good?". Yes. Yes he is.

5) The one thing that would make Abby's life complete is a talking magic pony. I really really wish I could give her one.

6) The first thing William does in the car is look for his big sister.

7) Those people who maintain that kids will eat something that they have prepared have never met my daughter.

8) William loves water. He loves baths, swimming and watching the tap run. Today I put a cup of water on his high chair tray and it kept him amused for almost 30 minutes.

9) Abby asked the other day how God makes people alive. She asks good questions.

10) William has the most adorable dimples in his hands.

11) Abby has really long legs. She is so beautiful and unselfconscious in her movements.

12) William isn't as ticklish as Abby, but he does love having his hands and feet kissed.

13) Abby is not a risk taker. Sometimes this irritates me.

14) William is getting good at reaching out and grabbing things he's not meant to have.

15) My kids love each other so much. That is the greatest gift.

Abduction Alert!

A little girl (7 years old) was *almost* abducted from Walmart in the US this week. The clever little poppet screamed and kicked and got away unscathed. Brilliant! My initial reaction? What a great job that little girl's parents did, she knew just what to do! And she seems pretty chuffed with herself as well. Good for her! The 'world according to the internet' reaction? Well, on the websites I frequent, same thing. Elsewhere? The mother (only the mother for some reason, I'm not sure where the Dad comes into it) is being vilified for letting her 7 year old daughter out of her sight while at the shops. This is one of the comments left on a news site:

NEVER leave your child out of your sight in ANY store. NEVER be in one aisle and your child in another, NEVER leave your child in the car while you run in to pay for your gas, NEVER leave your grocery cart with your kid in it, always have at least one hand on the cart. It's very unfortunate, but you just can't be too careful these days, as this story so clearly shows. And yes, I have a kid. He is now 21 and still thinks I was paranoid, but as I said -- he reached the age of 21 and no, I never did leave him out of my sight when he was little.

Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2098608/Kidnap-attempt-Walmart-Girl-7-tells-moment-man-tried-abduct-her.html#ixzz1m3D8fJ5F

And another:

At this age I walked to the bus stop and home from school and many other places alone. Many kids still do, but they shouldn't. Crime against children is so rampant that we must revise our expectations of what they can or should do without supervision. This, however, is an amazingly blatant, brazen abduction attempt. Walmart is obviously rife with cameras inside and out. She should have been safe, but she wasn't. We are basically all sitting ducks for these creeps.

Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2098608/Kidnap-attempt-Walmart-Girl-7-tells-moment-man-tried-abduct-her.html#ixzz1m3Ddg8vG

Right. Shall we spoil this with some common sense, maybe even some facts? Shall we start with the obvious? If it was really so dangerous to let your primary school age child into a different aisle in the shops, why is the the first reported incidence of an abduction attempt? Given how much the media LOVES sensationalist stories, especially ones involving children, wouldn't we be hearing about it a whole heap more? Remember Daniel Morecombe? Of course you do. This was a truly tragic case and my heart goes out to his family. Do you remember the name of the little girl whose whole family was killed in a car accident, leaving her in state care? No, you don't. Mainly because I made that case up. But I can guarantee that little girl is out there, just one of the many tragic stories we don't hear because they aren't exciting or unusual enough to capture the media's attention.

It is really hard to find statistics on how many children are abducted in Australia by sexual predators. Most of the sites I come to have alarming stories about attempted abductions, Anywhere! Anytime! And it must be absolutely heart breaking for those people who do lose a child under any circumstances, most especially violence. But the thing is, most of these appear to be unsuccessful attempts. I did find some US sites that had some interesting information. Did you know that according to a national study conducted by the U.S. Department of Justice, between 1,131,000 and 1,500,000 children went missing during 1999 (a rate of about 18.8 children per 1,000). Half of these youths were runaways or were forced out of their homes by a parent or guardian. The second largest group was made up of children who were missing for benign reasons, such as a communication mix-up with a caregiver. Fewer than 200,000 children were actually abducted, lost, or injured. (http://edis.ifas.ufl.edu/fy867). In 1999 117, 220 children were involved in familial abducation, and 33 000 victims on non family abduction. That is a tragic number, and worse is that 74% of these children were dead within three hours. HOWEVER, the rate of abduction is 0.47 per 1000 people. Cause for sadness? Yes. Cause for alarm? No. Not for me.

This is just one example of increasing misperceptions of crime in Australia (http://www.aic.gov.au/publications/current%20series/tandi/381-400/tandi396.aspx). When something bad happens, even on the other side of the world, people tend to catastrophise, immediately imagining the worst case scenario and applying it to their own circumstances. This little girl was attacked! At the shops! I have a little girl! We go to the shops! I will never let her out of my sight again!

See how that goes?

We love our kids. We want the best for them. We want them to stay safe. But I am making a stand against fear mongering. Crime is less than it was 30 years ago, not more. You are FAR more likely to be abused by someone you know than by a stranger. And you are more likely to die in a car accident or from the effects of an inactive lifestyle than be abducted and killed by a stranger.

My daughter knows the rules. She knows that she can talk to or play with anyone she likes, but never go somewhere with them. She knows that if someone tries to take her away, she is to kick and scream and bite. She knows the world is a beautiful and mainly safe place, and she is not afraid. She will go to a different part of the shops without me. She will run ahead on the way home from school and turn the corner. She will (soon) stay at home BY HERSELF for 5 or 10 minutes while I go outside and count (baby steps). And if by some horrible chance someone does try to take her away from me, I will deal with whatever is left after she's done.