In my roamings I found this wonderful site as a prompt to prayer. <http://churchresources.info/pray/index.shtml>
It has beautiful prayers and allows reflection on what God is saying. And of course, it's non gendered! Something happened today that I didn't handle the way I should have, although maybe I just didn't have the time. But now, I have a plan!
My dear friend whose children have also started prep was filling in the forms to get her son help from the special ed unit. ASD has been mentioned. She has always known that her son is different, but was told that no diagnosis was possible until he is 6. Apparently that is not the case. There is a difference between knowing something and knowing it, and this change is heartbreaking. Of course she is trying not to blame herself, her parenting, his nutrition, but that to is much easier said than done. So she is trying to start working at a new school, start her kids at a new school, and deal with all the interventions and therapies that her boy is going to need without neglecting the rest of the family.
Today I just listened mainly, I said a few unhelpful things about ASD being a wide spectrum etc. before I copped to and SHUT UP. But what I think is going to be helpful is a sacrament, a visible sign of mourning for the child she thought she would have. Of course she loves him, wants him, would never change him, but he is not the child she dreamed of, does not have the relationships with her or others or learning she wished for, is going to struggle to have the life she thought was going to happen so naturally. I think it is important for her to acknowledge her pain and grief for this child she has lost. Because a dream child is still a powerful presence, maybe even more so if it was never manifest.
She may know what will help her, but I think a letter to this unknown child is a good start. She can share what she dreamed of for him, outline the life she had planned, go into detail about his life the way we try not to but can't help. She needs to say goodbye to this child so she has the space to embrace the one she has.
We will talk to God to, we or her alone if that's what she prefers. We will cry and shout and hurt, rant and rave and blame and question. Then we will burn that dream.
That is the past. Maybe then we can celebrate the future. She can write a letter to her boy as he is now. Write to him all the special things he says and does, tell him what she loves about him, the blessings he has brought into our lives. Share her dreams and goals for his life - and I suspect she will find that they are much the same. And we will celebrate what God has given us.
This is part of the reading for today, Hebrews 9:9-10.
This is a symbol* of the present time, during which gifts and sacrifices are offered that cannot perfect the conscience of the worshipper, 10but deal only with food and drink and various baptisms, regulations for the body imposed until the time comes to set things right.
It goes on to explain that Christ has cleared our inner selves, that the externals are important to us but not to God. Maybe that's what a sacrament is - an outside that reflects an inside, a way to align our inner and outer sense of God. I hope that's what I can help her do.
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
A Big Non-Event
So today was day 2 of Abby's new life, and I have to say it was a bit of a non event! Yesterday went great, she told me afterwards that she wasn't scared at all and that they didn't learn anything, they just had fun all day! The teacher said she settled in beautifully. Was keen to go back today (long may it last!) and had a lovely time playing with her new friends. I thought I would be in pieces but how could I be when she was handling it so well!
So really nothing to add now. My big girl is happy, I'm happy, and tomorrow William starts at childcare and I have no doubt he'll be fine as well. Wow.
So really nothing to add now. My big girl is happy, I'm happy, and tomorrow William starts at childcare and I have no doubt he'll be fine as well. Wow.
Sunday, January 22, 2012
The Night Before
So tomorrow my first born, my big girl, my baby, takes her first tentative steps into the institutionalized world. I have very mixed feelings about all this. Part of me... well, no, tonight all of me is just sad. Right now I'm not even a little bit excited for her. I have had five wonderful years of being the major influence in her life. I know everything, can do everything, can fix any hurt and calm any fright. Tomorrow she'll go off into the big wide world and have to fend for herself, for at least some of the time. And I will miss her.
Today we went to the IGA Rhythm and Rhymes festival, which was really fun! Highlight for me was Justine Clarke. She is so talented, great voice and incredible presence. Abby's favourite was Lazy Town and Dora - oh, the tv generation! She did wonder why Dora's mouth didn't move - we didn't really get that sorted out but she got distracted thank goodness! I was surprised how long Abby was able to sit and listen to the various music acts. She didn't want to go down to the front and dance, preferring to stick by mummy, but she did have a ball in our own little space. William loved it too of course - he loves anything she does. I think he'll miss her more than I will! A great day out, leading to two children fast asleep at a reasonable hour. We'll be back next year, though I may take another adult when one of them won't happily stay on my chest the whole day.
Now that I'm processing tomorrow a little more, I'm starting to get excited for my girl. We've been having the same conversation a LOT over the last couple of weeks. Abby says 'tell me about your fist day at school mummy".
So I say, "well, I was a bit nervous and scared at first because I didn't know what was going to happen. I didn't know anyone except my friend" "Allison!" "yes, Allison, and I didn't know the teacher or the other kids. So I was very shy." At this point Abby normally takes over, "and then you had lots of fun and made friends and got to play and do craft and you learned to write and then after a while you weren't scared anymore!" "Yeah, something like that".
We've talked a lot about how every day will get a bit easier and how after a while she won't be scared at all. And about how she'll make new friends and learn new games - I think the thing she's most looking forward to is learning to write. I've tried to gently point out that they may not do much writing on the first day but I don't think she was listening... now I'm smiling.
She's going to be great. I know a lot of teachers and they all love kids. And how could you not love my little girl! She is so kind - today at the festival another little girl dropped her toy and it rolled away, so of course Abby had to run over and pick it up and give it back. Jason had a talk to her (after she told us that 2x3 was 6, and 2x6 is 12) that not all the kids will be as good at counting as she is, and she said that she would help them. She's such a sweet thing.
I think I've talked myself into it! I am happy for my girl. She's going to have a wonderful time, we've brought her up good. She's strong and resilient and she can take care of herself. She has a little friend and will make more, and I can't wait for her to come home and tell us all about her first day. And hey, I read in the paper today that kids that argue with their mothers with clear logical reason (or negotiation) are better able to resist peer pressure, whereas those who don't have that experience are more likely to give in. See Mum, that's how you did it!
God Bless You baby girl. You make me so proud.
Today we went to the IGA Rhythm and Rhymes festival, which was really fun! Highlight for me was Justine Clarke. She is so talented, great voice and incredible presence. Abby's favourite was Lazy Town and Dora - oh, the tv generation! She did wonder why Dora's mouth didn't move - we didn't really get that sorted out but she got distracted thank goodness! I was surprised how long Abby was able to sit and listen to the various music acts. She didn't want to go down to the front and dance, preferring to stick by mummy, but she did have a ball in our own little space. William loved it too of course - he loves anything she does. I think he'll miss her more than I will! A great day out, leading to two children fast asleep at a reasonable hour. We'll be back next year, though I may take another adult when one of them won't happily stay on my chest the whole day.
Now that I'm processing tomorrow a little more, I'm starting to get excited for my girl. We've been having the same conversation a LOT over the last couple of weeks. Abby says 'tell me about your fist day at school mummy".
So I say, "well, I was a bit nervous and scared at first because I didn't know what was going to happen. I didn't know anyone except my friend" "Allison!" "yes, Allison, and I didn't know the teacher or the other kids. So I was very shy." At this point Abby normally takes over, "and then you had lots of fun and made friends and got to play and do craft and you learned to write and then after a while you weren't scared anymore!" "Yeah, something like that".
We've talked a lot about how every day will get a bit easier and how after a while she won't be scared at all. And about how she'll make new friends and learn new games - I think the thing she's most looking forward to is learning to write. I've tried to gently point out that they may not do much writing on the first day but I don't think she was listening... now I'm smiling.
She's going to be great. I know a lot of teachers and they all love kids. And how could you not love my little girl! She is so kind - today at the festival another little girl dropped her toy and it rolled away, so of course Abby had to run over and pick it up and give it back. Jason had a talk to her (after she told us that 2x3 was 6, and 2x6 is 12) that not all the kids will be as good at counting as she is, and she said that she would help them. She's such a sweet thing.
I think I've talked myself into it! I am happy for my girl. She's going to have a wonderful time, we've brought her up good. She's strong and resilient and she can take care of herself. She has a little friend and will make more, and I can't wait for her to come home and tell us all about her first day. And hey, I read in the paper today that kids that argue with their mothers with clear logical reason (or negotiation) are better able to resist peer pressure, whereas those who don't have that experience are more likely to give in. See Mum, that's how you did it!
God Bless You baby girl. You make me so proud.
Monday, January 16, 2012
People are nice
Talking about religion on MM (again). Got this comment.
I totally agree with JJ but i have to say JosieY u are so refreshing when it comes to religion views and i have witnessed it here before! I think if the religious were more like u, we wouldnt have the ignorance or bigotry that it so present in Religion still today! You are always so open minded when it comes to religion and respectful of others views, even when theya re the opposite of your own! although i am not one to follow organised religion or a deity, u are someone i have great respect for and like to listen to what you have to say when religious topic’s come up on MM. RELIGIOUS PEOPLE OF THE WORLD….be more like JosieY…i think u will be happier little humans :)
Suddenly I feel a whole heap better.
I totally agree with JJ but i have to say JosieY u are so refreshing when it comes to religion views and i have witnessed it here before! I think if the religious were more like u, we wouldnt have the ignorance or bigotry that it so present in Religion still today! You are always so open minded when it comes to religion and respectful of others views, even when theya re the opposite of your own! although i am not one to follow organised religion or a deity, u are someone i have great respect for and like to listen to what you have to say when religious topic’s come up on MM. RELIGIOUS PEOPLE OF THE WORLD….be more like JosieY…i think u will be happier little humans :)
Suddenly I feel a whole heap better.
Saturday, January 14, 2012
Successful Sleep!
For the last two nights, we've had success getting baby to sleep. We have a very strict routine: Abby has dinner, then PJ's/sleepsuit, bedtime story while Abby brushes teeth, dummy, air con and music on and then.... blessed silence. He has been sleeping till 6:30 with one feed between 4-5am. And I've started bringing him to bed with me for that early morning feed so I can doze. I'm also doing his dreamfeed in bed, which means all those happy hormones make me nice and relaxed so when Jason takes him back to his cot I can just drift off to sleep. Ahhhh, sleep. Welcome back!
First visit to St Catherine's
Today I visited my new 'home' church for the first time. I chose it because my friend Helen did a placement there and enjoyed it, and because some friends with children go there so Abby has playmates. It was interesting coming to a new church because I am naturally very shy but a confident church goer!
First thoughts: Rev. Tanya is away at the moment so Rev Tom Hood is Locum. No worries, I like Tom and it gives me a chance to check out the Church when the cat's away. We (William and I) were a bit early (go me) so the Church was about half full. Mainly older people, which makes sense because the Sunday school doesn't run in the holidays. The services in January are also at 8am rather than 7 & 9am. The welcomers did their job, with a smile and prayer book, hymn book and pew sheet. Of course, if I wasn't already familiar with how these work I would have been totally at sea. Sitting with William no one approached me or made eye contact. Massive fail! I suspect that maybe other young families would have approached me (or at least acknowledged my existence?) but as it was I was invisible. And this was before I was breastfeeding!
The service was good. Standard stuff. When Wills got fussy I stood down the back with him and during the hymn a woman came to me with an open hymn book and pointed to where we were. Excellent. The sermon was great, about living the life rather than just thinking about it. I like the way Tom preaches, although I'm not sure some of the congregation quite got the point. He was talking about the good old days, when everything was simpler and better. Everyone went to Church (although actually many people didn't) and read the Bible. Well, some people did, most people didn't of course. But that's not the point! It was before all those refugees, queue jumpers, started taking our jobs and food. Mind you, Abraham was a refugee and a cue jumper, from Iran in fact... I liked the way he started off with the comfortable platitudes and moved into the disquieting truths.
The greeting of peace was a bit disappointing. Some people actually walked past me without giving the peace, or even making eye contact! Very poor. When I basically forced one woman to acknowledge me, she shook my hand without catching my eye. So of course she shook the hand that was holding William and woke him up. Yeah... no.
After Church, at morning tea, one gentleman was kind enough to check that I had food and a drink, and ask about William. Then we left.
The thing is, I know that as a Church we are very bad at new things. That includes new people. I know that when I've been coming for a few weeks and some of the newness wears off they will be lovely. And when Rev Tanya gets back she'll kick some Spirit into them. Rev Tom was great, made a point of coming to talk to us etc., but he's not their priest and they know it. But if I didn't know all this, I sure as heck wouldn't be going back.
The question is, do I give Rev Tanya the feedback or would that be rude?
First thoughts: Rev. Tanya is away at the moment so Rev Tom Hood is Locum. No worries, I like Tom and it gives me a chance to check out the Church when the cat's away. We (William and I) were a bit early (go me) so the Church was about half full. Mainly older people, which makes sense because the Sunday school doesn't run in the holidays. The services in January are also at 8am rather than 7 & 9am. The welcomers did their job, with a smile and prayer book, hymn book and pew sheet. Of course, if I wasn't already familiar with how these work I would have been totally at sea. Sitting with William no one approached me or made eye contact. Massive fail! I suspect that maybe other young families would have approached me (or at least acknowledged my existence?) but as it was I was invisible. And this was before I was breastfeeding!
The service was good. Standard stuff. When Wills got fussy I stood down the back with him and during the hymn a woman came to me with an open hymn book and pointed to where we were. Excellent. The sermon was great, about living the life rather than just thinking about it. I like the way Tom preaches, although I'm not sure some of the congregation quite got the point. He was talking about the good old days, when everything was simpler and better. Everyone went to Church (although actually many people didn't) and read the Bible. Well, some people did, most people didn't of course. But that's not the point! It was before all those refugees, queue jumpers, started taking our jobs and food. Mind you, Abraham was a refugee and a cue jumper, from Iran in fact... I liked the way he started off with the comfortable platitudes and moved into the disquieting truths.
The greeting of peace was a bit disappointing. Some people actually walked past me without giving the peace, or even making eye contact! Very poor. When I basically forced one woman to acknowledge me, she shook my hand without catching my eye. So of course she shook the hand that was holding William and woke him up. Yeah... no.
After Church, at morning tea, one gentleman was kind enough to check that I had food and a drink, and ask about William. Then we left.
The thing is, I know that as a Church we are very bad at new things. That includes new people. I know that when I've been coming for a few weeks and some of the newness wears off they will be lovely. And when Rev Tanya gets back she'll kick some Spirit into them. Rev Tom was great, made a point of coming to talk to us etc., but he's not their priest and they know it. But if I didn't know all this, I sure as heck wouldn't be going back.
The question is, do I give Rev Tanya the feedback or would that be rude?
Friday, January 13, 2012
To Mick
Dear Mick,
It's hard to know what to say to a dying man. You're not really aware of what's going on, I know. I guess in a lot of ways that's a good thing! You didn't know me at the beginning of our visit today, although you did by the end.
I think it's getting very close to the time when you leave us. In a lot of ways that will be a relief to all of us, especially you. You always feared becoming a burden on others, as if we would ever mind one minute of the time we now spend with you. You have always been so independent - too independent in some ways, because it made reaching out for help too hard. You don't have to reach far now - we're right here with you, and with Ruth, and we will stay until we are no longer needed. I promise we will take care of her, even when she doesn't want it. You have been together for so long, she's not yet ready to let you go. I don't think she ever will be. But we will be beside her on her new journey as she discovers life without you beside her.
I know you aren't afraid to die - we spoke about it a lot over the last few months. I know you have confidence that God is with you and will remain with you as you leave us. You told me about your death experience, the peace you found. I hope you find it again soon.
You lived a good life Mick. You live on in your son and grandchildren. You fought the good fight. You have finished the race. You have kept the faith.
God be with you always.
It's hard to know what to say to a dying man. You're not really aware of what's going on, I know. I guess in a lot of ways that's a good thing! You didn't know me at the beginning of our visit today, although you did by the end.
I think it's getting very close to the time when you leave us. In a lot of ways that will be a relief to all of us, especially you. You always feared becoming a burden on others, as if we would ever mind one minute of the time we now spend with you. You have always been so independent - too independent in some ways, because it made reaching out for help too hard. You don't have to reach far now - we're right here with you, and with Ruth, and we will stay until we are no longer needed. I promise we will take care of her, even when she doesn't want it. You have been together for so long, she's not yet ready to let you go. I don't think she ever will be. But we will be beside her on her new journey as she discovers life without you beside her.
I know you aren't afraid to die - we spoke about it a lot over the last few months. I know you have confidence that God is with you and will remain with you as you leave us. You told me about your death experience, the peace you found. I hope you find it again soon.
You lived a good life Mick. You live on in your son and grandchildren. You fought the good fight. You have finished the race. You have kept the faith.
God be with you always.
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