Critical Thinking

I am not good at taking criticism. I know it, I own it. But I still suck at it.

In my profession (a student) I get things wrong or just don't so them as well as I should. That's the point! And in some circumstances I'm really ok with that. Tae Kwon Do, I stuff up, no problem. Teaching, I get something wrong, I apologise to the student, it's over. A learning experience, not something to stress about. But as soon as it gets vaguely personal, I fall apart.

I have read people say they thrive on criticism, that it gives them the motivation to change and grow. I wish I could say the same! After a meeting with my supervising rector last week when she gave me some helpful advice about ministry, I felt all of about 2 feet tall. I've been thinking about why I was affected like this - after all, I am there to learn and making mistakes and misjudgements is part of the process. I think I am worried that when someone criticises me they are looking at me differently, as if I am less of a person, or less reliable or trustworthy in their eyes. One of the things life is teaching me is that none of my experiences are unique to me, and most of them have been addressed in some way in the scripture or tradition of the Church. Funnily enough, the reading this week was when good old Peter, worried about what Jesus would have to go through in the lead up to Easter, suggested he run away. Why would you put yourself through such suffering if you didn't have to? Jesus rebukes Peter with one of the most well known sayings in the Bible: "Get behind me Satan, for you see through the eyes of humanity rather than of God". So here is Jesus using the harshest of language to criticize Peter. Peter, once called Simon, who later became the 'rock' that Jesus was said to have built his Church on. Peter, one of Jesus' closest friends, whom Jesus loved and trusted even with, because of?, his mistakes.

Peter has always been special to me. I see so much of myself in him. He lets his imagination run away with him, he is full of enthusiasm but sometimes falls of on the follow through, his head/mouth filter is often a little faulty... and Jesus rebukes him. But Jesus still loved him. Respected him. Honoured him even. And Peter didn't let it stop him from going on to make more mistakes in the future.

So maybe I can do the same. I will never like doing things wrong. I won't enjoy hearing about it afterwards. But maybe I can begin to stop internalizing it to the point where it effects my relationship with my teacher, whomever they may be.

Amen.