So tomorrow my first born, my big girl, my baby, takes her first tentative steps into the institutionalized world. I have very mixed feelings about all this. Part of me... well, no, tonight all of me is just sad. Right now I'm not even a little bit excited for her. I have had five wonderful years of being the major influence in her life. I know everything, can do everything, can fix any hurt and calm any fright. Tomorrow she'll go off into the big wide world and have to fend for herself, for at least some of the time. And I will miss her.
Today we went to the IGA Rhythm and Rhymes festival, which was really fun! Highlight for me was Justine Clarke. She is so talented, great voice and incredible presence. Abby's favourite was Lazy Town and Dora - oh, the tv generation! She did wonder why Dora's mouth didn't move - we didn't really get that sorted out but she got distracted thank goodness! I was surprised how long Abby was able to sit and listen to the various music acts. She didn't want to go down to the front and dance, preferring to stick by mummy, but she did have a ball in our own little space. William loved it too of course - he loves anything she does. I think he'll miss her more than I will! A great day out, leading to two children fast asleep at a reasonable hour. We'll be back next year, though I may take another adult when one of them won't happily stay on my chest the whole day.
Now that I'm processing tomorrow a little more, I'm starting to get excited for my girl. We've been having the same conversation a LOT over the last couple of weeks. Abby says 'tell me about your fist day at school mummy".
So I say, "well, I was a bit nervous and scared at first because I didn't know what was going to happen. I didn't know anyone except my friend" "Allison!" "yes, Allison, and I didn't know the teacher or the other kids. So I was very shy." At this point Abby normally takes over, "and then you had lots of fun and made friends and got to play and do craft and you learned to write and then after a while you weren't scared anymore!" "Yeah, something like that".
We've talked a lot about how every day will get a bit easier and how after a while she won't be scared at all. And about how she'll make new friends and learn new games - I think the thing she's most looking forward to is learning to write. I've tried to gently point out that they may not do much writing on the first day but I don't think she was listening... now I'm smiling.
She's going to be great. I know a lot of teachers and they all love kids. And how could you not love my little girl! She is so kind - today at the festival another little girl dropped her toy and it rolled away, so of course Abby had to run over and pick it up and give it back. Jason had a talk to her (after she told us that 2x3 was 6, and 2x6 is 12) that not all the kids will be as good at counting as she is, and she said that she would help them. She's such a sweet thing.
I think I've talked myself into it! I am happy for my girl. She's going to have a wonderful time, we've brought her up good. She's strong and resilient and she can take care of herself. She has a little friend and will make more, and I can't wait for her to come home and tell us all about her first day. And hey, I read in the paper today that kids that argue with their mothers with clear logical reason (or negotiation) are better able to resist peer pressure, whereas those who don't have that experience are more likely to give in. See Mum, that's how you did it!
God Bless You baby girl. You make me so proud.
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